Saturday, January 13th
The Slippery Slope of Exiling a Banana Peel
Assassination, terrorist threats, and silent dictator motions are being made in ADHOC today. The UNF had almost been fully pushed out of Guatemala and the new president, Jose Manuel Fortuny, is trying to be pushed out of office after the allegations about the previous president’s assassination have been revealed. The new presidential candidate, Castillo Flores, is gaining much support from the previous assassination attempt on his life.
Fortuny and Mariano Rossell Arellano have been proven and verified to have been working together in the assassination of the previous president. Arellano has been revealed to have gotten his son to poison the previous president with white phosphorus right under the noses of the other delegates. However, this all may have been for nought. The majority of the committee members are in agreement with the disapproval of the lack of motions being put forward by the new president, Fortuny. As it stands right now, Flores has been gaining approval left and right.
The assassination attempt on Flores’ life was confirmed to be made by Josué Abbot and Castillo Armas, Abbot being quoted to say it was because “[he] got a bad vibe from him, but nowadays [he] would never do something like that]. Flores has noted assassination as “extremely unproductive for [their] body functioning as a cohesive unit” and disagrees with the actions of both Armas and Abbot.
The split of the room seems to be between those who want to restore Guatemala to the Communist country it had previously been and those who want to shine light to Catholic beliefs. An attempt at this was seen through the push of the UFC out of the country, delegate Abbot has claimed to be “trying to free the enslaved Guatemalan people from the grips of the octopus”, octopus referring to the UFC. “Their tentacles are wrapped around the Guatemalan nation and every second they remain, they squeeze more and more air out of the gasping country”.
Abbot has also been quoted on his attempts to establish himself as a dictator in Guatemala through the army he’s been building with his funds. Though committee member Guillermo Toriello has claimed his coffee monopoly has been seized from him, Abbot is claiming it hasn’t and has in fact been raising an army with said funds. He claims, “I will burn my crops before I let those filthy communists take them from me”.
Terrorists have also staked their claim in the country. A bomb had gone off near the capitol building while the committee was in session. A note was left at the scene stating: “This body no longer seems to recognize Guatemalan right to self-determination. You are power hungry and out of touch. We are Guatemalens for freedom. You have 15 minutes to comply with our demands, which are:
All Russians will be removed from Guatemala
Banana production continues, however, it has to not be under the UFC”.
At the time of writing this, the committee will not have come to the decision on how to deal with these terrorists.
Reported on by IPC Delegate Chase Gheen