Begone Kids, Go Away

By: Jasmine Jacobs

The delegates of British House of Commons are working hard this Sunday morning with nine working papers introduced. Each paper posed unique solutions for rebuilding Britain's economy and society. The first paper to be introduced was “Redact Dem Kids Bro” which defines kids as “gross and generally useless…”barely citizens”. “Redact Dem Kids Bro” firmly enforces the exile of all kids in Britain to Australia supervised by Ser William Morrison and Stafford Cripps. The children may return to the “mainland upon their 18th birthday” so they may repopulate Britain.  

Not all people agree that kids are “useless” but the delegates though ahead, in clause two it states “Bars all protesting of this bill, whining about this bill, crying over their loss of their tiny trash humans”. 

The Prime Minister of Britain Clement Attlee was receiving negative complaints from numerous delegates and could not handle the pressure so he decided it was best to step down from his position before stepping down he gave a well deserved speech to help encourage all the delegates and say his farewells.

Dead Polar Bears!

By: Jasmine Jacobs

The United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS) started debating Arctic Exclusive Economic Zones in 2020 but their inability to work together and come up with a solution has caused a great tragedy. Five years have passed since they started debating in 2020. It is now  2025 and the polar ice caps have melted, the entire coast is submerged in water, and all the polar bears have died. Many delegates are deeply distraught over the extinction of the polar bears. France expressed her sorrow and anger towards this loss of polar bears at UNCLOS and claims that “it’s all their fault we lost a species.”

Russia’s greed for money and power has caused environmental ruins. Russia violates the national sovereignty of Norway and continues to drill for oil in Antarctica. Even with most of their coast underwater, Russia is still determined to drill for oil and states that it is “not my problem I’m making money off this...I will not back down.” The United States of America worked with Russia before it was discovered that Russia’s oil industry was the main contributor to the polar ice caps melting. However, during an interview, the US stated that she was still willing to work with Russia despite this newfound knowledge. The US did also mentioned that some changes would have to be made to her and Russia’s Working Paper due to the severity of the crisis. U.S and Russia both expressed a desire to work together, but the tension is increasing between the dream team as, according to the US,  Russia reflects no concern towards them as they mentioned in a conversation with Russia that “if we work together you have to care about my problems.”

The committee is divided by those who want to protect the environment from Russia, countries who want to continue to drill for oil, and those who want to fix the environmental crisis. 

Delegates have brought up the idea of using renewable energy like hydropower and solar power instead of oil to help reduce the profits from Russia and to help create a more sustainable environment. One of the working papers details a  recommendation in regard to WWIII to the Security Council and the deployment of peacekeepers, which would place sanctions on Russia and encourage military action if Russia does not comply with these new implementations. 

Russia is one of the main countries that control the oil industry which took a large part in the melting of the polar ice caps. However, the one true cause of this melting was the lack of action and compliance from the committee as a whole. Now, the committee must work together to fix a problem that could have prevented. As the delegate of Belgium stated, “stop using Russia as a scapegoat.” These powers all took part in the problem, and now they must collectively take part in the solution.

Betrayal at it’s Finest

By: Jasmine Jacobs

Breaking News: Today, the delegate, Enrique Oltusk betrayed the Cabinet of Cuba by releasing private information about Cuba’s relationship with the mafia and the banishment from the OAS to the citizens of Cuba. Members of the cabinet were furious and demanded immediate reprimanding but Oltusk defended his decision by stating that, “l let them know what happened behind closed doors...I told them the truth”. 

The delegate, Celia Sanchez and many others heavily encourages punishment for betraying not only the cabinet but the citizens. Some members of the cabinet wholeheartedly agree with Enrique Oltusk. Osualdo Dortico, the president of Cuba, stating that she would pardon any punishment towards him.

After the first betrayal, it was discovered that Oltusk was going through Ernesto “Che” Guevara’s email to provide more information to the public. The cabin was deeply disturbed and it fueled the debate about what should happen to Oltusk . 

A vote was taken about exiling Oltusk from Cuba but it did not revive the two thirds majority in order to get passed. Even with the constant fear of being exiled, killed or put in jail, Oltusk continues to express his desire to provide the truth to the citizens of Cuba. 

 The citizens have been posting propaganda with messages expressing their disappointment towards the government. Quotes appeared including, “Cuba’s red leaders kill our people” and “Where is he now?”. 

The Prime Minister of Cuba stormed in shortly after propaganda was released, screaming his disappointment towards the cabinet and their lack of progress towards public relations. He ended his powerful speech by chanting “Fatherland or Death” with other cabinet members joining in. The Prime Minister fears that spies have infiltrated the cabinet and spreads fear through the members. 

The cabinet has passed multiple directives in hopes of building back their reputation and gaining the trust back from the citizens. They have passed directives including “Boil My Oil”..”Get Literate” and “Uproot Corruption from the Cabinet.”

They hope that with the new directives the relationship between the Cuban people and the government will be restored and they can begin to focus on Cuba as a whole, including natural resources like oil and sugar. 

Cubans hope that their actions will make a positive difference and will ease the tension.One concept they learned for certain is Cuba is the place to consider, “ Fatherland or Death”.

Republican Vs. Democrat: Tensions High

By: Jasmine Jacobs

Yesterday the U.S House of Representatives got busy and elected leaders for their represented party, with over 10 candidates the voting process was long and brutal but at last they came to the final vote with time to spare. The top leaders for their respective  parties are Bustos, Pressely and Lamb for Democrats and Armstrong, Roy and Lucas for Republican. Ducan Hunter, a Republican, stated that he was pleased with how the election went, he believes that the representatives are very organized and charismatic people. Ben Roy Lujan a Democratic also stated that the election went well and hopes that the leaders will be able to take action with the problems at hand.

With the leaders now acquainted with their new positions debate is finally kicking off. The Republicans and Democrats must get along if they want to get anything passed but with both sides having different opinions on what they should do getting along will be hard. The U.S Representatives are debating climate disaster relief and non-biodegradable materials but with countries in peril and future disasters just moments away, will short or long term solutions be better?  Puerto Rico, North Carolina and many other places have been hit hard by natural disasters, each disaster is unique so creating a solution to help the broad scope of natural disasters will be challenging, but the bright, young and energetic delegates are the right people for the job. 

Some delegates have quoted a well known scientist to help convey that this a global crisis and must be solved one delegate quoted Bill Nye saying, “I didn’t mind explaining photosynthesis to you when you were 12, but you’re adults now and this is an actual crisis” . Delegates are working hard to create an effective and cost efficient resolution. Some ideas from both sides include planting trees, increasing funds for FEMA, decreasing funds for FEMA, education on global climate change and carbon tax. Regardless of the pressure the parties are throwing at each other, working papers are in the works, but will they do enough to help the countries already affected and future countries in need or will the papers cause more damage?The delegates must not only focus on providing aid but they also have to tackle ecological mitigation, which presents its own unique challenges. The only thing that the Republicans and Democrats agree on is that something should and needs to be done.