Quadfecta of Doom

by Elena Lu

It’s the summer of 1813, and the British Canada Cabinet is dreaming up some new battle strategies. According to a new directive sponsored by William Dummer Powell and Sir Isaac Brock, the “Quadfecta of Doom” is definitely happening, which lays out a plan for four simultaneous attacks on Fort Niagara from different directions. “We’re Canada, we got this,” Sir George Prevost stated confidently. “We are united, compared to the United States with […] the Federalists and the Democratic-Republicans that are fighting against each other about whether this war should exist. We know this war shouldn’t exist.”

Both the Americans and the British Canadians have been working hard. The U.S. Cabinet has been busy introducing directives such as “Drafty Boi,” “Maple Syrup,” and “Man in Black,” while Sir Herbert Sawyer of the British Canada Cabinet is in the process of training carrier pigeons. Prevost gave a statement of approval for Sawyer’s work and suggested that “the power of Canada will make [the pigeons] want to do even better.”

The British Canadians have been indulging in humorous discussions of possible war plans. They briefly considered masquerading as Americans and attempting to casually march through several states to D.C. on the Fourth of July. “We’re not burning your resources, it’s just fireworks,” Sir John Coape Sherbrooke joked. Later, Prevost proposed that they should “steal the ancestors to Lin Manuel Miranda and make them perform for us at York,” leading the Cabinet into a brief conversation about kidnapping various musicians and entertainers to boost morale in New York. On a more serious note, Prevost has been urging his fellow delegates to speak up: “As we learned from Charles Douglas Smith, may he rest in horrible, horrible fashion, […] when somebody is very quiet in this council, we can suspect that they are working with the Americans.” Smith himself has dropped all pretense of being quiet and is now very active in the U.S. Cabinet as Return Jonathon Meigs Jr.

Tensions are running high as the war continues. “This war is so pointless! What are we even trying to do?” Daniel Webster exclaimed in frustration this morning during a U.S. Cabinet session. Webster proceeded to send a message to British Canada Cabinet member George Stracey Smyth about potentially finding an end to the war. Daniel Webster’s intentions are still uncertain, but Smyth has requested proof of loyalty.

This afternoon, we received news that the British Canadians have now taken Boston, thanks to the sacrifice of a small force that diverted the U.S. troops right before the city’s capture. At the same time, an article was published in the Boston Gazette criticizing the U.S. government’s actions, including implementing the draft and nationalizing resources, as tyrannical. The general sentiment in Boston now seems to be that citizens resent being under British rule again but blame the U.S. government for the war. The British Canada Cabinet has commenced strategizing ways to end the war through negotiations as the U.S. Cabinet plans to retake Boston.

Mind Games and Mistrust

by Elena Lu

Divisions are growing in the United States Cabinet as it works to mobilize its troops for war and simultaneously pull itself together. In the words of Daniel Webster, “We’re deadzo.” All hope is not lost, though. A large number of U.S. troops are in place, and James Monroe thinks that it’s time to “seize the initiative.” The U.S. is sending 30,000 troops to attack Detroit, and the Cabinet doesn’t care if the city is burned to the ground as long as the British are forced to retreat. The British Canadians will have to respond quickly in order to maintain their hold over the key city, so the current plan is to “play mind games” with the U.S.

However, mind games may not be necessary when spies could be anywhere. Hull and Armstrong spent several minutes privately debating who in the U.S. Cabinet might be a spy for the British Canadians. Armstrong, suspicious of Lewis Cass, commented, “We’re in his territory, and he hasn’t said anything.” The two decided to keep a close eye on Cass and Monroe. Despite his mistrust of his fellow Cabinet members, Hull agrees with Webster that the U.S. can’t afford to fight itself, and needs to instead focus on “our real enemy: the British” (Webster).

On the British Canadian side, things are just as interesting. “If you’re trying to strip me of my power, I don’t have any!” Charles Douglas Smith announced to Sir George Prevost this afternoon. Yet that’s exactly what happened. After discovering that Smith was actually an American spy, the British Canada Cabinet has stripped him of all his powers.

Battle updates and strategies are flying around each Zoom room. When asked about the most important part of the U.S. strategy, Daniel Webster cited “troop movements, nationalization of the militias, and the actual fact that we don’t have troops.” James Monroe added, “I think the most important goal of the US is to win a rapid, decisive victory in Canada, taking York and Montreal. This would put immense pressure on the British, and allow us to win a rapid victory. Fast movement is key.” Similarly, Charles Douglas Smith says that attacking hard and fast is a key part of the British Canada Cabinet’s war strategy. “I believe we must be proactive, and that peace is no longer an option,” Smith wrote decisively. With both countries going on the offense, it’s bound to be an interesting weekend.

“Tiny Little Nothing Nation” vs. British Canada

By: Elena Lu

The British Canada Cabinet is taking immediate action to maximize their strengths and gather allies. William Dummer Powell and Sir George Prevost formed a plan to take the US down from the inside by gathering intelligence and taking full advantage of the rift between the Democratic-Republicans and the Federalists. George Stracey Smyth objected to the idea of taking the U.S. down from the inside, pointing out the high risk and potential consequences of getting caught. In response, Powell declared, “They’re already going to unleash everything on us. We might as well try it.” He also commented that the British Canadians should “play up the victim role—[the U.S.] declared war on us, not the other way around.”

Prevost commended the Cabinet for their teamwork and unity, stating, “We are doing really well with our cooperation … we’re staying united as a front, and I am really happy with that as our country. I would say if we were to continue to do this, we would be in a very good place with the war against the United States.” He added, “I would consider the directive that we are finishing up right now to be … a great step in the right direction.” However, Prevost and Smyth clashed several times during the discussion over various points, including the degree of aggression to use in the war.

The U.S., meanwhile, is also sending spies to sow discord in French Canada, yet perhaps it should focus on its own unity. Daniel Webster noted that the United States Cabinet has suffered from “copious amounts of in-fighting.” Points of debate included funding and whether or not to send militias. After much discussion, the Cabinet produced a directive addressing the disorganized state of the U.S. army. The directive provided for four U.S. army training camps, a propaganda campaign with the goal of mobilizing an additional 40,000 soldiers, and a 5% pay raise, yearly pension, and provision of land parcels for qualified soldiers.

Battle plans are being made in both Cabinets. British Canada plans to take the bridge over the Oswegatchie River with a force of 150, take arsenals and batteries, then capture Fort Oswegatchie. Prevost also proposed a propaganda campaign to convince the American people that British Canada seeks only liberty and equality—values that the U.S. holds in high regard—and that the U.S. leadership is the one at fault. In the U.S. Cabinet, Daniel Webster argues that an enormous amount of pressure should be put on British Canada to eliminate their ability to counter-attack quickly.

Smyth stated boldly during the discussion that the U.S. is “a little tiny nothing nation right now and they just want more land. We have international support on our side.” The war is still unfolding, so check back soon for updates and interviews.