By: Adi Balaji

In a crisis that leaves the council members dumbfounded and worried, local pirate bars and taverns shut down due to a scandal involving an inside saboteur that threatens to out the pirate council to the British Crown. Bars are not allowed to reopen until the scandal is solved. This closing of bars and taverns is very alarming to all council members mainly due to the fact that this means no more rum! The absence of a place to socialize and drink alcohol to boost their crews’ morale poses a serious threat to the stability of a pirate ship’s crew, however, pirates Mary Read and Josiah Burgess have a trick up their sleeves. 

Mary Read quickly introduced the idea of opening a secret speakeasy nearby to offer a place for pirates to socialize, drink and wind down even if bars and taverns are closed. In response to Read’s proposal, Burgess supported her initiative by volunteering his own resources. 

With that, they have launched an exciting new initiative called the “Let Them Eat Cake” directive that creates a speakeasy for the pirates that runs out of “The Jolly Pirate,” owned by a friend of Josiah Burgess, secretly serving pirate crew members rum, snacks and their brand new signature Salted Caramel Rum Cake. According to the directive, sale will be supported by the cakeria “Sweet Home Rum Cakes” and will be advertised with the help of the speakeasy’s mascot: Pretzel the Parrot. Read and Burgess’ rationale behind opening this illegal tavern is to help boost the pirates’ morale before their impending battle with the British Royal Navy. A reason for continuing alcohol sale illicitly, Burgess mentions, is to ensure that pirates who are “unhappy due to a lack of rum and their favorite pastimes” don’t go rogue and out the crew to the British Crown. 

Mary Read mentions that the main driving reason for opening her speakeasy is that “alcohol and rum cakes are a quintessential part of Pirate culture, and the whole point of [the meeting] is to preserve that culture for future generations of drunken scallywags.” Read’s words echoed throughout the entire council, allowing them to pass the “Let Them Eat Cake” directive with an outstanding 100% support. The event highlights the strength and deep roots of the pirate community. Perhaps the preservation of this deep bond and culture does indeed justify opening an illegal bar for pirates to enjoy themselves in. After all, what’s a pirate without his yo ho ho bottle of rum?